Wednesday, January 25, 2012

UPS explained (Or the Inverse Law of Delivery and Desire)

One side effect of moving to the suburbs has been a shift in my shopping habits.  No longer do I spend weekend afternoons wandering the city by foot, fueled by a coffee and croissant from my favorite local cafe as I casually peruse boutiques and markets without much of an agenda.

While there are still a few (lovely) small boutiques that I frequent, the weekend meandering has shifted as a result of the proximity of a several huge malls and means that most of my "shopping" ends up consolidated into  finely honed, well thought out expeditions complete with strategic parking and pre-planned routes through the maze of shops.

It also means that a significant amount of my discretionary totally-unnecessary shopping ends up online at ridiculous flash sale/outlet/discount sites that I'm pretty sure don't actually save me any money.

What I've learned from my experience (along with the fact that I apparently can't say no to anything that's 80% off) is this:
The time it takes UPS to deliver my bounty is directly inverse to how badly I want to have it right now.

We can look at all of the unnecessary shopping that I've been doing for our upcoming honeymoon (more on my insistence that I not look like a 1982 L.L. Bean catalog later).   In preparing for this trip I have decided that I need a few key, breezey, light dresses and accessories so that I am somewhat prepared for safari life, but also appropriately dressed for our beautiful stay in Zanzibar on the Indian Ocean.  The thought of being draped in various shades of khaki button ups while lounging pool side at our fabulous resort makes me want to cry.  Conversely, the brightly patterned silks of Ferragamo's Spring campaign likely won't do while forced to pee in the bushes as we watch elephants eat their lunch.

Compromises must be made..

Anyhow, this has resulted in several purchases.  the first was a gorgeous orange gown, perfect for dinners in Zanzibar and possibly as a super chic cover-up.  
  • Brightly colored?    Check
  • Billow-y and Breezy?    Check.
  • Big-Ass slit up the front???   Check, check, check.
Thank you Robert Rodrigez for this gem of a piece.

As you can imagine, although this was my first unnecessary-safari-purchase, it hasn't even shipped yet.  Why you ask?  Probably because I can't wait to get my hot little hands on it and see if it will in fact make me look like Gisele (in Africa).

I may (or may not) have had this recent photo shoot she did for Ferragamo (sigh) in mind when I set out to find that saucy little orange number:
inspiring right?

Also, this is how I envision I might look getting off the plane...
But I digress.  Pretty orange dress, and not even a tracking number to show for it.

My next unnecessary-safari-purchase was the result of a total shopping spree on  A dress, a belt and a scarf, sure to keep me far far away from that dreaded 1982 L.L. Bean look.  Where is it?  Well, it shipped... but I've got 7-10 business days to wait for that pretty little treasure chest. (bastards).

That brings us to my final purchase.  One that's probably actually prudent (and therefore totally unexciting).


I shudder to even speak their name as I believe footwear should be pretty, flattering, and hopefully functional/comfortable.  I understand that isn't how everyone purchases their shoes, but it's how I get mine and when shopping for "outdoor sandals"  it's not very helpful. 

I'm sure the two inch orthopedic looking sole is squishy and soft.  I'm also sure the padded velcro straps are functional and unlikely to cause blisters.  The problem is that I don't care.  At all.

I quickly figured out that there were no "attractive" options in the outdoor-sandal category, so I cut my losses and ordered the least heinous option.  But really, WHO MAKES THESE!??  more importantly.. who buys them? (aside from me.. under duress).
Depressing.  I guarantee you that none of those shoes were even considered for Gisele's Ferragamo shoot...

Anyway, as you can imagine, even though I hit "buy it now" on the extremely hideous sandals only yesterday afternoon, UPS has assured me that they are in fact, "on vehicle for delivery. TODAY."

Awesome.  Thanks guys.

This has solidified my belief in the Inverse Law of Delivery and Desire.

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